The Descent (Recenzie de film rimată şi ilustrată)

A quest for adventure, a true Valkirie’s tale
Watch as six fair maidens go down into Hades’ Hell.
They journey downward into the dreaded cave
Making stupid conversation, but aren’t our heroines brave.
They thread trough cramped spaces, luckily they’re thin
Oh no, I can’t make out why, but they’re trapped by a cave in.
They decide to go even deeper using a lighter’s flame
To follow the air current and escape this fearful plane
Of course one would realize this is a retarded idea
Since air current doesn’t necessarily lead to the surface, you see.
Heavens! One’s broken a leg, it must be a curse!
Wait! A shadowy figure the dim light did traverse.
And just when you think nothing more can go wrong
In a very obvious manner they’re attacked by a throng.
These creatures are quite sensory impaired to be true
To how the hell they get around I have no clue.
The climax?!?... a better cliché you will rarely see
A fight between friends ends with a climbing pick to the knee
The creatures eat one, the other escapes to the light
Oh no! It was just a dream… she’s still in the cave, what a plight!

Graced with the revelation of this pointless end
The full stupidity of the movie you can now comprehend.
For a movie like this who needs dialogue or plot?
You’ve got breasts, you’ve got blood, that’s quite a lot.
Looking back, it was as entertaining as chatting to ducks
There’s just one more thing to say: The Descent fucking sucks!!!!!

Demn de reţinut: filmul ăsta contrazice toate principiile fizicii, speologiei, logicii şi ale bunului simţ, fie pe rând, fie de odată. Eu l-aş cateogrisi ca fiind nerecomandat pentru consum uman... vizionare placută.